THE FINAL WEBLOG ENTRY!

Yep you heard right. Since I do not have immediate access to my computer at the times when I feel I need to write stuff down (prayer requests, struggles, joyful moments, etc), I think I'm gonna go back to journaling on paper. Thanks to all who have prayed for me, who have encouraged me through their comments on my posts. I apologize and ask for forgiveness from those who feel that in leaving Xanga, I am cutting another means of communication (AIM was the first to go, now this). That is definitely not my intent. If you need to contact me, email me at siji@ku.edu and we'll exchange contact information.

Alrighty, bye everyone! Stay honest and close to God's Word on these things (weblogs).

Your brother from another mother,
-Siji Adewunmi

Fall break is on the horizon.
God loves me more than I deserve. I spit sin in His face day after day, after He saves me from His wrath. His grace and mercy are poured on me in abundance. His love for me is simply incomparable and I desire to learn how to love like this in order to better love others as well as myself. With His help, I'll be able to get a number of things accomplished over this break. I don't know when I'll be on next...probably after the break.

Safe travels, and safe non-travels for those who choose to stay. Perhaps I'll see you around, perhaps I will not (I don't what I will be doing over the break)

Praise be to the God who works in perfect time. "Help me be still...", patient, and hear Your voice.

Su hermano que quiero amar como a Dios aman,
Siji

Wow, it's been a while since I've been on this thing! Now to finish where I left off...

I just returned from camping and paintball with some Navigator men and I am not only spiritually refreshed, physically sore, but still in somewhat of a bind with distinguishing God's voice from other voices. I understand though, that this might be something that will take a bit of time to learn. I am learning what it means to serve other men and women not only in the ministry but also those who are not. I am more and more aware of my shortcomings, yet encouraged at the fact that God has continued to show me that I AM His beloved son. In order to not elaborate too much on that point, I'll just say that He protects me from myself and does so in such a way where I can't not give in to His will (yes that was a double negative). I would go out on a limb and say that God's display for his love for me rivals the experiences of this summer...and this summer was beyond tremendous.

Here's another thing...the Lord has shown me that I need to begin to become the man with which I wish to surround myself. I have been seeking for Godly men to be by my side (and in some cases, looking for God in them and being disappointed when I didn't find Him enough in them) instead of realizing that they need me as much as I need them, and instead of realizing that someone needs to take the lead. I am willing to take that position of servant leader.

I was really sick last week with some kind of viral infection and I really want to thank again those who emailed, those who called, and those who came to visit me. Thank you for loving me as Christ has shown his love for me--sacrificially and willingly. You all make it easy for me to tell you that I love you all. I have, in the past, had issue with that phrase (perhaps because of its abuse), so please understand that it is God-cultured, sincere, and from the heart of flesh that God is molding for me.

God is relentless with His love! An embrace goes out to those who I haven't spoken to, or seen in a while. Guys and gals in God, we need to hug more. (Tangent alert!) I am a firm believer in the loving embrace of a fellow brother or sister. We were not meant to be alone! So next time you see a fellow brother or sister in Christ, don't just say you are happy to see them, SHOW THEM! If you have fears of intimacy (with which I still deal), you are not alone. Believe the truth that you are FREE of those fears and you will be released from them. YOU ARE NO LONGER BOUND!

Your brother who encourages you in your walk with Him,
-Siji

Messianic Judaism is something to which ALL of us need to be introduced. I strongly encourage pursuing the topic either through me or on your own. I'm not claiming to be an expert on it, it was only recently that I was introduced, but I do have an incredible resource of a friend who is a wealth of knowledge on the topic (as well as a Messianic Jew). It will help you to understand the history of the followers of Christ, things like replacement theology, why Israel is getting so much attention, why "Messiah" is more accurate than "Christ", why we need to recognize and honor the fathers and mothers of the faith, differences and similarities between Christians, Messianic Jews, and Rabbinic Jews, etc.

Lord I thank you for pouring out Your love for me through discipline, knowledge, grace, and mercy. I have been undeserving of it since I was conceived! You give me the strength and boldness to talk to my mother and sisters about You and You guide my hand in allowing me to show Your and my love for them in serving them before they head off to school. Praise be to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob for He is the Almighty! I praise You for giving us your family name and including us Gentiles with Your chosen people. John Piper says in a sermon, "There is no greater negative force imaginable is the wrath of an infinitely powerful God." I say to You in compliment to that, "There is no greater positive force imaginable than the everlasting love of an infinitely powerful God!" Father God, my thanks to You for what You have done for me is far too small. My sin brings gaps into our relationship and I am conscious of it. Father, have mercy on me! Holy Spirit, take over my tongue and boldy proclaim the name of God! Holy Spirit, keep my tongue from evil, slander, sin against God. Deepen my relationships with my friends Father so that our fellowship may be honoring to You Lord, I ask that You continue to pour out Your love abundantly on me, cleanse me, and I will be clean, because only You have the authority, control, ability to lift me off of the filthy ground and turn me away from the evil days of this world. I ask humbly for You to continue to break my will so that Yours will replace it. Lord I ask You to set me on fire for You. Blind me with zeal for You! Set the Navigators at KU on fire for You so that all of Lawrence, Kansas, the U.S, and the world will be lit by YOUR GLORY! Father, embrace me so that I may embrace and know how to love the body of Messiah as well as the world. You have called me to die so that I may live. Please help me to remember that this will be painful and discipline that shows that You are treating me as a beloved son, just as You loved our Messiah. This wretched ball of clay is beginning to understand that he is beautiful and blameless in Your sight only because You make him as such and not because of anything he has done. He is Yours to mold. I pray these things in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, AMEN!

     One more week before I return home, and God has shown me that He will still be in control at home in Wichita, at KU, and within my heart. He has done this by presenting a few unexpected situations:

     First, He has reminded me that my sister's and my mom are at a place of uncertainty, fear, desperation, unforgiveness, bitterness...the list goes on. I, through my desire to try to make them "see the light" (aka be convicted) is NOT under my control. Only the Lord has this ability. I am "salt and light" to them and the Holy Spirit can minister to them directly, through me, as well as through the Word, other Christians. Now, by NO means does this mean that I won't be talking to my sisters, and mother about Christ and how He is working within my life. This does mean that I will be showing my love for them--love through helping them prepare for college/grad school and helping around the house, and most importantly, cultivating healthy family relationships (they have been greatly neglected) without the masks, without the bitterness, without the unforgiveness, without the self-righteousness and instead with enough humility to make my ears bleed and tears drop from my eyes.

     Second, I thought that I would be in the clear as far as financial aid goes for the year. It turns out that I missread (better yet, didnt notice that all the charges: mainly housing, were not posted) my financial aid report and the two grand I thought I would have in excess turns out to be twelve hundred in the hole. I have to trust that He will provide more financial aid for the school year just as I trusted Him to provide funds for this summer. I will have to trust that He also provides a way to allow me to finish my payments here due to the fact that I could no longer work (and therefore, get paid) at the YMCA. He gives me a family, family of believers, shelter, food, clothing, and still I doubt His ability to provide in this area of my life. Lord, I pray that You allow me to release my will and allow me to submit to Your will.

     Third, He has given me the strength to address a fear of mine, especially in returning to KU--that fear being continuing to "shark", which is to say, "to continue to relate in an unhealthy way to peers (emphasis on peers of the opposite sex)." It is amazing how by merely telling people, Christians, and non-christians about how I am pursuing Christ is beginning to release me from trying to revert back to what I call "The Era of the Deceptive Tongue" by throwing alittle mack/flirt, or presenting the "I'm a unique, mysterious, well-spoken, well-dressed, athletic, moral, educated, family-disciplined African-American man" facade.

Here's a helpful view that popped into my head from a conversation with a friend: "It's like I have my hands clasped around things, and God looks at me and says, 'Look at your hands Siji. What you think you see within your clasped fists are not really there. They are with Me and are within My control, so let go.'"